Our grandmothers would not be proud of us. Not really. Adele
My grandmother, she used to repeat that a true lady - not a whore like so many - we see three things: 1-
by how it behaves in the restaurant;
2-by the way he dresses;
3-by how to prepare for the luggage for the holidays.
In nearly a century of acrobatic feminists, many of us say some of the "quality" achieved in some areas of life. Thus, for example, with regard to the conduct of "restaurant" Copernican revolutions we have seen, such that we have gone from "inappropriate" situations in which he paid the bill of making us feel Merdin a "convenient" situations in which he continues to pay the bill making us feel inferior. Yes, I know, has not changed much, but at least we have not reduced to poverty. With what they cost the restaurants today ... We have also learned that it makes no sense to raise issues of principle, especially when there are half of the money. Our, is well known, we want to squander freely in boutiques rather than donate them to the refuge of the fool unable even to prepare two fried eggs. The result of the whole cultural operation has only one name kept. I know, everything seems degrading, but we like ... and we like even more especially if, for once, we can pretend (very respectable in all) to clothe itself in the culinary expertise, ordering the most expensive dishes on the menu.
There is also the question of dress. Fashion - we see it all - has evolved from great ladies to hookers à la page ... thanks to a bevy of stylists who have accustomed us to feel sensual just uncomfortable on board took off from mileage heel of inguinal micro-skirts at risk extinction of the topa retriever necklines proof of pneumonia-every-two-for-three.
For this reason, from this point of view, our nobility and our femininity has kicked the bucket well in advance of the rest, showing a certain attitude to failure routine activities of women's prerogative.
If it is true that the tight corsets 800 more natural movements prevented us - forcing us to statuesque postures-style "ornaments of Capodimonte" - is that now we love to try new and increasingly challenging combination of yoga walking. Not at all, I would say that we are open to new hermeneutic perspectives on the meaning of suffering, hallux valgus, intestinal congestion and gait eyed ... very unprofessional if not poorly lit sidewalks of our cities. Again, one must admit that even the concept of "real lady" has been betrayed in favor of a more prosaic term "lure unwitting." Maybe.
And here the question of suitcases. The women in this matter are becoming part of the dumb, or greatly pretending not to know, not to see ... not have the strength to lift them. The men, some ways more practical, but the pulse of the question, because usually they are the ones to take them and move them from place to place but not without a small amount of curiosity expressed variously in the classic, but fuck that thou hast put in?
This phrase has not changed in centuries. At one time, in fact, the male porter - married and single - they used to use less colorful expressions, like "Gosh, but what the fuck you have brought with his lordship?"
I know, men have never been creative, what does ed'altronde creativity with the amount of rags love to wear everywhere?
The problem, in truth, it correlates well with our self-esteem, taken to the heel of the stilts on which we can no longer go down. What really disturbs us and exposes us to the crisis of hysteria is often the case, even remotely, you do not have the right dress for every occasion. Usually, in fact, close to the holidays - no matter how pleasant resort – cominciamo a fare una lista di possibili eventi non pianificabili in cui potremmo imbatterci. Quella che segue è la lista-minima approvata dal Comitato per la salvaguardia dell’autostima delle cerebrolese del terzo millennio:
- incontro spirituale col Dalai Lama
- incontro intimo con Rocco Siffredi
- incontro spazio-temporale con la nostra compagna delle scuole elementari
- incontro annichilente con la nostra portinaia
- incontro “8 marzo” con Mara Carfagna
- incontro lesbico con Maria De Filippi
- incontro efficiente con il ministro Brunetta
- incontro salottiero con Bruno Vespa
- incontro glamour con Anna Wintour
- incontro filosofico con Immanuel Kant
- incontro a sorpresa con Osama Bin Laden
- incontro mistico con Bernardette
- incontro culinario con Antonella Clerici
- incontro religioso con Suor Germana
- incontro scassaminchia con Alda Deusanio
- incontro preveggente con Solange
- incontro deprimente con Gisele Bundchen
- incontro molto deprimente con Gisele in compagnia di Elle Mc Pherson
- incontro deprimentissimo con le prime due sul set del Calendario Pirelli
- incontro infantile con Cristina d’Avena
- incontro molto infantile con Cristina d’Avena ed Elisabetta Viviani
- Meeting with Donald Trumph
profitable - very profitable meeting with Donald in the company of Bill Gates
- meeting lucrative (to the limit of the blow ass) with Donald, Bill and the Sultan of Brunei
- loser meeting with the top three in the company of Bundchen and McPherson
I hope I did not forget anything. Ah yes, the beauty case. Now there is everything.
Well, you understand very well, we can not be found unprepared ... no sir. And then, what would they think if the airlines to check-in with a pair of Bermuda shorts, a top and a tampax? Okay practical sense, but the miracle we are not yet ready.
However, although our degree of accuracy in these cases touches the painstaking skill, there have been cases of inexcusable incompetence. This is the case of Nikita.
His name, for the most unknown, we reported a few weeks ago, namely on 23 February. Nikita, happily married woman with a big property developer specializing in the "Fast and furious," had recently learned to his great pleasure that, after years of constant prayer, Gabriel - her husband - decided to give her the journey of his dreams: a long stay all-inclusive in that of King Bibble, the beautiful remote islands in French Polynesia. After the first
entrancing certificate of gratitude for this unexpected Gifts, Nikita realized early on that he was taking a growing unease over his noble mind. I mean, who would leave her pearls of kids? How many suitcases would have to buy? But most importantly, what should have been put in it?
the first question answered right away, assuming a punitive expedition in the mother's house where we would have ensured the successful stay of the children.
To the second question, however, the nodes began to come home to roost. In short, in some places you go once in a lifetime. And then, who knows what would have happened to meet personaggioni, who knows how many parties would be invited? Who knows how many suitors ... who knows what all. Fortunately
who had downloaded the list for so long a part of the panic quickly vanished in the truck of luggage that were delivered the next day at his home address.
After repeatedly checking the check-list of needs for the trip, Nikita sank again in a drift of thoughts aberrant including classic and if I forget something? "God forbid," he repeated to himself. He knew that if he had forgotten something if you would be forgiven, without considering that the holiday would have been affected.
the night of Feb. 22, after several attempts to fall asleep, our heroine fell into a sleep actually contaminated nightmare with open eyes ... first of all suddenly saw what the "disturbed" in its magnificent holiday attendance not covered by the "minimum list". In short, if he came to visit her and George Clooney or Brad Pitt? And why not the mayor of Rome, or in the company of Mrs. B Mr. B? And then there was always the unknown
Paris Hilton ... The next morning, while he was preoccupied by the final preparations and everything seemed to turn neurotic conclusion, the fate gave her a wonderful opportunity to finally put to bed the anxieties of the last hour : the unexpected visit of the only person not covered in the list. His landlord. When he opened the door, making way through the columns of luggage already Nicely and ready for travel abroad, he faced just Mr. Santini - grandson of the famous New York magician.
- "Hello, Madame Nikita," he mumbled softly with his elbow leaning on the door "we are starting, eh?"
She stared at him long, looking with the mind an adequate response to what seemed a subtle plug for his ass. Then he began: "No, I'm tired of closets ... you know, weigh too much and do not fit in the trunk of the car! Ah ah ah ... "He
, back, laughed heartily, emphasizing a magnificent 18-carat gold dental prosthesis with diamantino applied to the right canine. Then, satisfying the humor of that girl from the uterine relativistic hairstyle, said: "I can give you a hand ..."
- "Come to the point Mr. Santini, I'm in a hurry ... get me the styling and the universe is crumbling before our eyes ... "
- Come, come ... but as the landlord and she even gives him a drink and a taste of good conversation on the Principles of the method for learning the Latin language? suggested settling on the only available chair, crossing her legs in full cowboy style of the Langhe in the throes of wild sexual urges.
- "Listen, Mr. Santini pointed out, trying to contain the first signs of psychosomatic killer instinct "I have to do ... and certainly not the right time to discourse on César Chesneau Dumarsais ... plus, the debate is incomplete without taking into account the contributions clearly marked in the Treaty sull'allegoria epistemological, it attempts to construct a philosophical theory on the imagery ... "
-" You take me by the throat ... but I know that I could talk for hours and hours? Weeks would say, "
Nikita did not answer, looked at his watch, adjusted his hair ... he looked at the broken fingernail, and an unusual calm, spoke out in this way:" Mr. Santini, Giovanni, has convinced me ... I had a conversation so elected by the wedding night. What I bring coffee, tea, Anisette, infusion of hawthorn, karkadé ...? We have everything in the house! Make yourself at home ... ah ah ah ... "
When he returned from the kitchen, Nikita seemed reborn: a source of light across the eyes, her makeup was perfect and the fact his walker had begun to assume a that's sensually provocative. "And then John - er Mr Santini - who do you think of a holiday in Polynesia? We could just stay on your own, you and I just insoles ... to speak of the theories of Wittgenstein on the relativity of language ... "
-" Well really "shook" just today, I would have to do ... a meeting of the condominium. Oh but what I like! "
-" But to be ... "he insisted persuasively.
- "I can not. Do not insist I have to go now ... "
-" And I say yes ... and do not accept to be challenged, "and so saying hit him with a rolling pin for pasta and homemade cakes in the middle of the head, causing a wound lacerated and bruised easily curable if not by transplantation of the skull.
That evening, with perfect timing on the roadmap, Nikita and Gabriel showed up at the airport check-in. She dressed Jackie Onassis-style: fularino Hermes, sheath dress in ecru silk shantung with notch neckline and six centimeters of the same color of lipstick. He, however, indulged in a style Yacht 25 meters.
- "Anything to declare?" Asked the hostess.
- "Nothing ... nothing!" He hastened to meet Nikita.
Then suddenly a flash of fear crosses his face. An image of the past was returning to the memory vividly with the same force as a cork exploded from a prestigious bottle of Chateau Lafitte 1959: the laughter of his fellow fat kindergarten when they noticed the trail of gravy that flowed from basket.
- Fuck, no ... the DOMOPACK! He swore uncontrollably in front of the officer who had been following keenly the strange train of red blood type B negative. "
Gabriel stopped suddenly, glanced at the corner of the zig-zag behind him, and calmly, lovingly declared: "you will treasure, you're right ... I feel it in my bones ... I knew you'd forgotten something. I have no words ... the usual inept. All of your mother! "
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